LIZARD LICK ST. JOHN THE BAPTIST, FULL GOSPEL, INDEPENDENT, PENTECOSTAL
cHURCH OF CHRIST
Beloved, this here is your preacher, Rev. T.J. Jackson, and I want to share a few minutes of your time. First, I want to comment on the Old Church Bell. Some of you have called the house today and asked why we took it down this morning. Beloved, it came to our attention that some people said that when the bell would ring the first ring and its echo sounded like the opening notes to Amazing Grace. Though we didn’t do this err on purpose, we were leading the whole town of Lizard Lick to Hell by playing a hymn on a musical instrument. I know some of you think that a bell isn’t a musical instrument. But, don’t you remember how Grandpa Jones and his wifeRamonna used to play My Bonnie Lies Over the Ocean on the old cow bells? Beloved anything you can make a noise with is a musical instrument! And, by accident we who are suppose to be leading the way to Heaven might have been leading them in another direction! Beloved they might tolerate such error over in the demonanational churches but here at the Lizard Lick St. John the Baptist, Full Gospel, Independent, Pentecostal, church of Christ we go by the book: the Authorized King James Version.
Some people have said, “Preacher, you ain’t nothing but an old anti.” Not true! I am a pro. I am pro everything written in the pages of the King James Bible. Beloved, don’t you see where this is heading? If today we allow a church bell that even remotely sounds like Amazing Grace, tomorrow it will be a guitar, then a piano and then on of them pipe organs, and the next thing you know we will have a full fledge sympathy orchester. Beloved we will be leading Lizard Lick straight down the wicked path to hell with yours truly as the pied piper of Lizard Lick. You will be wanting to play the Avie Marina at every service and prop me up as a puppet Pontificator just like that old victor of Rome.
Beloved another topic I want to discuss with you is financial. It seems this year we have a surplus of money. Most of it has came from money saved from not donating to help Sister Agnes’s little cripple boy. As you know we used to give her money every month to help with his expenses but this year she put him in a Methodist home for cripple children and we can’t send our hard earned money to a home ran by Methodist. I know this has ruffled a few feathers but beloved our good old King James says money from this flock is suppose to only bath the wings of this flock. We ain’t to give to just any Tom Dick or Harry dressed like Mary fly by night church that comes around. And, for sure we can’t give to such error as those taught by old Johnny Knoxville and them Methodist.
Beloved, don’t you see where this is headed? Today, we allow a church bell to play the first two notes of Amazing Grace, then it’s a sympathy orchester, then it’s having Britany Sears husband Fedex to sing a solo, then we send God given money to that false teaching John Knoxville and the Methodist, tomorrow we allow the whole homersexual agenda to run rampant in the church. Error is built upon error until the next thing you know we have Tinkerbell right here in person sprinkling fairy dust on the whole conjugation. Then we have Tad Hoggard marrying Lance Banks and that lost boy friend of hisn with Elroy John playing the wedding march. I know you think musical instruments are hot, well let me tell you what else is hot: HELL IS HOT! For that reason we will have a special Thanksgiving Day service entitled “Save Lizard Lick from Hell by Silencing the Bell!” In this message I will show you how the gay and Lebanese agenda is creeping into our church through musical instruments. Beloved it is up to us to stop this now. This will be a special service as we are hoping to get Veto Rolex to come and cover the service so our message will reach the multitudes. He is a reporter just like old Jimmy Olsen with one of them uptown fancy kinda metropolitician newspapers over the way in Pasdagoula, M I crooked letter crooked letter I crooked letter crooked letter I hump back hump back I.
Now, I need to set straight one error made by old Veto Rolex. He said some nice things about your preacher, but in the same breath accused me of playing the satire. For those of you that don’t know that is one of the injun guitars. Not the injuns like we have here in Lizard Lick but the Injuns over in Injunia. Beloved, this is simply not true. As I told the committee that hired me I don’t play no musical instrument. Maybe once when I was in high school I tried to learn that song called the Wildwood Flower, but beloved I repented and haven’t touched it since. I repented on the 12 step plan. I took 12 steps to the baptism creek brother and that sin was washed away!
Be here early to get a good seat and get your son or daughter’s ears anointed from the sounds of that music that is leading them to the homersexual agenda and ultimately to Hell.
Until then, this is the Rev. T.J. Jackson reminding yeuns to be better to your neighbors and you’ll have better neighbors.
