OUR FAMILIES ARE UNDER ATTACK

LIZARD LICK ST. JOHN THE BAPTIST, FULL GOSPEL, INDEPENDENT, PENTECOSTAL, cHURCH OF CHRIST

Our Families Are Under Attack

 

Brethren, this here is your preacher, the Reverend T.J. Jackson of the Lizard Lick, Full Gospel, Independent, Pentecostal, church of Christ. And, I want to address some serious issues that were brought up to me tonight. Brethren our children are being attacked and led away from the sound teachings of the King James Bible. Our schools have been polluting our kid’s minds with such nonsensical ideas as evilution and big bang theories. And, we have combated each of these false teachings by the scientist with the Bible. But, now the attack has come from a different angle. The DEVIL, old Beelzebub himself is attacking our youth in the pages of literature. That old false prophet himself has dressed up like a man and calls himself Tim Lahaynny and is leading our youth astray. He is writing books and making movies with that actor that had all them pains growing up Kirk Cimarron. Brothers they are teaching our youth false paths to the truth and are going to cause them to be LEFT BEHIND! You remember when we battled that old false prophet before in the form of Harold Potter and all his little witch friends; well brethren it is time to do battle again. We have to take back our youth. Brethren get ready for another witch burning PRAISE GOD!

 

It has also come to my attention that at last Sunday’s meeting some of women were actually singing out loud. You say, well preacher what’s wrong with that? Brothers and sisters everything is wrong with it. Our very own King James Bible says women need to shut up in church. How can any man make a joyful noise when the woman sitting beside him, what is supposed to be quiet, is making noise that is unscriptural? Husbands you need to keep your wives under control.

 

You are letting your children read all types of ungodly books; and your wives are running around and looking out of windows just like a Jezebel. And, now some have even taken to making noise in the assembly. Brethren do you see where this is heading? Today your child is reading ungodly books, tomorrow they are going to want such ungodly things taught in Bible classes. Your wives are starting out now singing aloud in the assembly, tomorrow they are going to want to lead singing. I know your families say, “Well, this is hot!” Well brethren, let me tell you what else is hot: HELL IS HOT. And, that is where it seems a good many of our flock is heading. They ain’t going t be left behind anywhere. They are going to be in the company of all the false teachers: Jerrry Farewell, Pat Rogerson, Jim Baccus, and that newly famous preacher turned sodomite Tod Haggard (who I have heard has all the In The Sink tapes and CD’s).

 

Brethren for that reason we will have a special “TAKE BACK YOUR FAMILY” service on Thursday night. As you know we cannot meet in the assembly as a Thursday meeting is not authorized in scripture, so we will meet at the Baptism creek for this special service. We will warm the air with a book burning so bring all the false doctrines your children are reading: Harold Potter and the Escape From Alkatraz, Tim Laynny’s Left Behind book (please don’t leave them behind for this special service) and those books of your wives, that magazine by her celebrity dykness Rosa O’MacDonald. After the book burning we will have a message from yours truly the Rev. T.J. Jackson on how society is trying to Sodom and Gomorrahize our youth and cause them all to be left behind on the road to Heaven, with a special mini sermon titled “Who Wears the Pants and Sings The Songs In Your House?” Afterwards we will warm the waters with a rebaptizing of all youth and wives.

 

Brethren, I am sadden to tell you that your preacher, the Rev. T.J. Jackson has come under attack also by old Beelzebub in the of someone via the internet saying that I had a plank in my eye. Well, let me be the first to tell you that I do have a plank in my eye. Not one but two and they form a cross. Brothers, if it can’t by said in good old everyday King James English it shouldn’t be said! If it can’t be sang by men it shouldn’t be sang at all.

 

See you all at the Thursday night book burning and re-dipping. Until them, this is your preacher, the Rev. T.J. Jackson of the Lizard Lick St. John the Baptist, Full Gospel, Independent, Pentecostal, church of Christ reminding yeuns to be better to your neighbors and you’ll have better neighbors.