Questions and Answers

LIZARD LICK ST. JOHN THE BAPTIST, FULL GOSPEL,

INDEPENDENT, PENETCOSTAL,

cHURCH OF CHRIST

 

Beloved, this is your preacher, Rev. T.J. Jackson, with a few thoughts to share with you. In regards to my last message to you I had several replies asking for some clarifying. We even had some questions from those not here with us in Lizard Lick. Word of your good works has spread and it seems many are now trying to be a part of what we have going here. Some wrote to yours truly and asked what they were to do as their maw had pass on and they were unclear as to which of the men folk was aspose to take up the chores that were done by they maw/spouse= squaw. While I don’t believe it would necessarily be sin for the man to maybe worsh a dish or push a broom in such a situashun temporarly until he can find a woman to come in and do it, he should be searching for a woman to come and clean and cook fer him as soon as possible. God separated the works of man and woman thus you ain’t going to have men folks having babies. God separated these chores so that women could be saved through the pangs of childbirthin. As for the cooking in such a situashun, you know as well as I do that people is going to bringing food to the house after someone dies, so for the near future there shouldn’t be any sin. Now,. When that food runs out the men folks should be searching for a fill in to do the cooking and cleaning and they should be buying can foods from the store so they don’t have to worry about cooking; all they have to do is open they can and eat. The men should only temporary do any of these so as they don’t take a liken to it and start pansying around and act all sissified like the sodomites out in San Furisco.

 

Some have asked what we are to do ifn they had to go to the hospital. First, why would they go to the hospital in the first place? It is by HIS stripes we are healed. Ain’t no where that our King James tells us that by Marcus Welby we are healed. So why would a God fearing Christian put his fate in the hands of an old sawbones instead of in the hands of God? It was ask could a Christian woman work as a cook in a hospital? No. Her place is in the home. If a woman was to seek work outside the home, let alone the scandal it would create, who would keep house? Can you see a woman trying to be a firewoman while “in a family way”? But, she could cook and clean.

 

The only group that I can see as being able to eat outside the home is prisoners. They done already sinned and are lost so it wouldn’t make no never mind no way.

 

Until next time, this is your preacher, Rev. T.J. Jackson,  reminding yeuns to be better to your neighbors and you’ll have better neighbors.

Questions Answered

LIZARD LICK ST. JOHN THE BAPTIST, FULL GOSPEL,

INDEPENDENT, PENTECOSTAL,

cHURCH OF CHRIST

 

 

Beloved, this is your preacher, the Rev. T.J. Jackson hoping that all had a blessed Thanksgiving eating at your home. We had a grand banquet here. Several have asked me about having a fellowship meal at the church and even brought up the error of having a kitchen added to the facilities.  Beloved, how far down that wicked path of sin are you prepared to travel? As you know we don’t allow families top eat together; each must eat in his own home as prescribed by the apostle Paul in our own King James Bibles.

 

Brethren, lets look at each point and try to arrive at why we do the things we do from a Biblical point of view. If we all eat together we are in violation of what Paul told us to do. He said if we are hungry we have homes to eat at. He didn’t say to eat at the church or at a neighbor’s house. No, he said to eat at home. Do you now see how eating at the burger joints are sin. Beloved, this is going to send some of you to eternal damnation, but Paul never authorized, nor any other apostle for that matter, the eating at Cracker Barrel.

We are to eat at home so that women can do their Godly chores of cooking and cleaning and childbearing.              

 

Now, some of you have asked about a fellowship hall with a kitchen joined to the assembly building. Beloved, do you not know the error that you ask about? First, the cooking would have to be done by women. Now, look at the temptation that would be added to the women having to be in the kitchen together and still remain silent. Paul said women are to be quiet in church. Next, a woman cooking would be usurping authority over the first man that walking in the kitchen and tried to sample the food. And, if the men were to cook that would be talking the chores of a woman and giving them to the men. Beloved we cannot have such transvertilism actions in the church. If we allowed this the next step we’d take would be to allow out right homersexual couples in the church with the girly one in the kitchen cooking with the women. Do you see the wicked path of sin we would be heading in?

 

No, beloved, we can’t allow such error here at the Lizard Lick St. John The Baptist, Full Gospel, Independent, Pentecostal, church of Christ. We are in the business of saving souls not sending them to Hell. And, the above would be the first steps above would be the first ones to send our women to hell then inviting the gay and Lebanese agenda in our assembly and sending the rest of us to Hell.

 

Therefore each of us should eat in HIS OWN home always, with the women doing the cooking as prescribed by our trusty King James Bible.

 

Until Next time, this is your preacher, Rev. T.J. Jackson, reminding yeuns to be better to your neighbors and y’all have better neighbors!

Update

LIZARD LICK ST. JOHN THE BAPTIST, FULL GOSPEL, INDEPENDENT, PENTECOSTAL

cHURCH OF CHRIST

Beloved, this here is your preacher, Rev. T.J. Jackson, and I want to share a few minutes of your time. First, I want to comment on the Old Church Bell. Some of you have called the house today and asked why we took it down this morning. Beloved, it came to our attention that some people said that when the bell would ring the first ring and its echo sounded like the opening notes to Amazing Grace. Though we didn’t do this err on purpose, we were leading the whole town of Lizard Lick to Hell by playing a hymn on a musical instrument. I know some of you think that a bell isn’t a musical instrument. But, don’t you remember how Grandpa Jones and his wifeRamonna used to play My Bonnie Lies Over the Ocean on the old cow bells? Beloved anything you can make a noise with is a musical instrument! And, by accident we who are suppose to be leading the way to Heaven might have been leading them in another direction! Beloved they might tolerate such error over in the demonanational churches but here at the Lizard Lick St. John the Baptist, Full Gospel, Independent, Pentecostal, church of Christ we go by the book: the Authorized King James Version.

 

Some people have said, “Preacher, you ain’t nothing but an old anti.” Not true! I am a pro. I am pro everything written in the pages of the King James Bible. Beloved, don’t you see where this is heading? If today we allow a church bell that even remotely sounds like Amazing Grace, tomorrow it will be a guitar, then a piano and then on of them pipe organs, and the next thing you know we will have a full fledge sympathy orchester. Beloved we will be leading Lizard Lick straight down the wicked path to hell with yours truly as the pied piper of Lizard Lick. You will be wanting to play the Avie Marina at every service and prop me up as a puppet Pontificator just like that old victor of Rome.

 

Beloved another topic I want to discuss with you is financial. It seems this year we have a surplus of money. Most of it has came from money saved from not donating to help Sister Agnes’s little cripple boy. As you know we used to give her money every month to help with his expenses but this year she put him in a Methodist home for cripple children and we can’t send our hard earned money to a home ran by Methodist. I know this has ruffled a few feathers but beloved our good old King James says money from this flock is suppose to only bath the wings of this flock. We ain’t to give to just any Tom Dick or Harry dressed like Mary fly by night church that comes around. And, for sure we can’t give to such error as those taught by old Johnny Knoxville and them Methodist.

 

Beloved, don’t you see where this is headed? Today, we allow a church bell to play the first two notes of Amazing Grace, then it’s a sympathy orchester, then it’s having Britany Sears husband Fedex to sing a solo, then we send God given money to that false teaching John Knoxville and the Methodist, tomorrow we allow the whole homersexual agenda to run rampant in the church. Error is built upon error until the next thing you know we have Tinkerbell right here in person sprinkling fairy dust on the whole conjugation. Then we have Tad Hoggard marrying Lance Banks and that lost boy friend of hisn with Elroy John playing the wedding march. I know you think musical instruments are hot, well let me tell you what else is hot: HELL IS HOT! For that reason we will have a special Thanksgiving Day service entitled “Save Lizard Lick from Hell by Silencing the Bell!” In this message I will show you how the gay and Lebanese agenda is creeping into our church through musical instruments. Beloved it is up to us to stop this now. This will be a special service as we are hoping to get Veto Rolex to come and cover the service so our message will reach the multitudes. He is a reporter just like old Jimmy Olsen with one of them uptown fancy kinda metropolitician newspapers over the way in Pasdagoula, M I crooked letter crooked letter I crooked letter crooked letter I hump back hump back I.

 

Now, I need to set straight one error made by old Veto Rolex. He said some nice things about your preacher, but in the same breath accused me of playing the satire. For those of you that don’t know that is one of the injun guitars. Not the injuns like we have here in Lizard Lick but the Injuns over in Injunia. Beloved, this is simply not true. As I told the committee that hired me I don’t play no musical instrument. Maybe once when I was in high school I tried to learn that song called the Wildwood Flower, but beloved I repented and haven’t touched it since. I repented on the 12 step plan. I took 12 steps to the baptism creek brother and that sin was washed away!

Be here early to get a good seat and get your son or daughter’s ears anointed from the sounds of that music that is leading them to the homersexual agenda and ultimately to Hell.

 

Until then, this is the Rev. T.J. Jackson reminding yeuns to be better to your neighbors and you’ll have better neighbors.

REMINDER

LIZARD LICK ST. JOHN THE BAPTIST, FULL GOSPEL INDEPENDENT, PENTOCOSTAL,

CHURCH OF CHRIST

 

REMINDER

 

Beloved, this here is your preacher, the Rev. T.J. Jackson, reminding yeuns that tomorrow is Sunday and we do have services. I know things have been must up the last few Sundays as erebody got their clocks set right on the endin of the daylight saving. I know the first Sunday I set my clock up instead of back and got here two hours early. I noticed the parking lot was totally empty. Beloved, I thought all that rapture stuff was true and I had been left behind. Well, worried to death I got Mrs. Dixie and we road all the way down to Hocutts Crossroads and saw that the Methodist Church parking lot was also empty, so I knew that it weren’t no rapture of the church. Anyway, we’ve got all that time stuff worked out now.

 

And, while still on the subject of time. I have noticed that some of you that stay awake on Sunday mornings are always a looking at your watches as the time gets closer to 12 o’clock. Now, OI know what the problem is. Y’all’s all worried up that if I preach a minute overtime the Baptist is going to get the best seats at the Cracker Barrel. You might think you are fooling some folks but me and Jesus get your number. So hang in there brethren, you are aiming for the best seats on Judgment day.

 

One last closing thought for you. The other day I mentioned the Marines not giving out those talking Jesus dolls. Well beloved, the have reconsidered and are willing to give the Jesus dolls away. Brethren, this is WRONG! These Jesus dolls ain’t nothing but blasphemy. They violate the second commandment. Beloved, this is a graven image. I know you are saying, “Preacher, this is a hot item.” Well maybe, but let me tell you what else is hot: HELL IS HOT! The marines are fixin to send tons of youth to hell for playing with a graven image. Even the Mineralites up in Pennsylvania don’t even have faces on their dolls. Beloved we can’t take part of this. We have to take back our youth. Beloved it is time we have to join forces against the US of A Marines! We have to take Christ out of Christmas before all our children are on that well beaten path to Hell.

 

For this reason, tomorrow morning we will have a special sermon entitled “Save our youth, Take Christ out of Christmas.” That’s right brothers. The U S of A marines are trying to lead our youth to Hell. As soon as this happens their next will be to secretly introduce the gay and Lebanese agenda secretly to our youth. This years it Jesus dolls, next year it will be Ellen the Degenerate Dolls and Rosa O’ MacDonald dolls. Come early tomorrow to get a good seat. Asked everyone in your neighborhood to not take any of these Satanic gifts from the Marines and email the head Punjab in Iraq and asked that none of their Iraq soldiers get hit by a marine bullet. Beloved, it’s for the youth of this nation. It is for Lizard Lick. If this goes through as planned, the next thing you know they will be putting up a section of Lizard Lick called the Fidel just like they have out in San Firisco

Beloved, stamp Christ out of Christmas for the sake of our youths’ souls.

Until, tomorrow, this is your preacher, The Rev. T.J. Jackson, reminding yeuns to be better to your neighbors and you’ll have better neighbors.

PRAISE REPORT

Lizard Lick St. John the Baptist, Full Gospel

Independent, Pentecostal

church of Christ

PRAISE REPORT

 

Beloved, this is your preacher, the Rev. T.J. Jackson, here with a little of a praise report. I have taught y’all for some many years now that a good work cannot be beat. And, now it seems word of your good works have spread out around the country. Brothers and sisters they all are a wanting to be a part of what we have going here at the Lizard Lick St. John the Baptist, Full Gospel, Independent, Pentecostal, church of Christ. Word of what you have done has reached as far away ad Pascagoula, Mississippi. And, their preacher John Hobbs has actually been sending people to our web site so that they can see the good works we are doing and be a part of our ministry to the lost. Y’all know Brother Hobbs; He has a church down there that was devastated in hurricane Katriner. But let me tell you this; there might have been a lot of devastation down there in Ole Miss, but brother Hobbs stood his ground and has been doing a good work for the Lord ever since. It is going to take a wind much stronger than Katriner to blow Brother Hobbs away. And, for a man of his stature to be sending folks to us just attest to the work of the Lord that we’s doing here.

 

Also I received a letter just this morning from another preacher of the Gospel: Brother Steven Clark Goat from all the way out in California. Beloved I guess Paul knowed what he was talking about when he said the Gospel had gone all around the world. Brother Goat said some nice things about the work we are doing here. Things like how he admired how we cling to the old paths. Beloved he also agreed with our boycott of Wal-Mart. Now, I know some of you womens say well Preacher I shop at Wal-Mart because they are cheaper on things like the razors we used to shave our legs. Well, ifn you’d wear your dresses at the correct godly length no body would know ifn your legs was shaved or not. Brother Goat gave some good advice. Out there in California (he is from Bliss but I think he might have a speech sediment because he calls it Blith) they shop at the dollah tree. And, beloved I think that is what weuns should be doing. You can get everything you need there and it’s all a dollah. Even ifn you need a Bible you can get it there, and they don’t sell that cheap stuff; they sell the good old King James. None of that American Standard; beloved the only thing American Standard at your preachers house is the toilet and for those of you that have visited you know that we don’t even have that inside. I know some of you are saying you like the New Internal Version. Beloved, our good old King James Version has gone around the world as you can see from this letter. It started with Peter and Paul and has made its way all the way to Lizard Lick and then to ole Miss and even to the ends of the world in California. I know you are thinking just because some of the contortionist scholars like Bobby Easter use other versions we should too, but beloved you see from this the very word’s of God in his own language have gone to the ends of the earth and will last to the end of the age. I have even read reports that the Gospel might even have gone as far as Washington State and Canada. Belove, people like Elder Gerry Allan, Bill Gud and preachers such as Jere Parker amdCharlie Whitewash have heard of your works.

 

Brother Goat seems to have the same filosfy that we have. They don’t go to Disneyland they have even taken it a step farther and don’t even eat epcots. Brother Goat also believes just like your truly in only using olive oil. You know for sometime we have used nothing but pure olive oil not only made from virgin olives, but from extra virgin olives. Those are olives just like the Pontificate Benediction out in Rome Georgia uses: Not only has he never done it, he is extra virgin in that he ain’t never thought about it.

 

Beloved, these men could have attached themselves to other ministries like Max Tuxedo or even Billy Greyham right here near us, but they didn’t. They saw the works going on here in Lizard Lick and started sending their lost our way. I guess we must be doing something right. They saw how we are fighting the spiritual battles everyday against old Beelzebub. The see how we are combating the gay and lebanese agenda that is all over the states. They see the stand we are taklking for godly living and are attaching themselves to our ministry. I forsee big things coming out of this. One day in the future I hope to have a big Gospel Shindig featuring brothers Goat and Hobbs and yours truly the Rev. T.J. Jackson of the Lizard Lick, St. Jon the Baptist, Full Gospel, Independent, Pentecostal, church of Christ.

 

God bless you all for the good works of the Lord you are doing. Until next time this is your preacher, the Rev. T.J. Jackson reminding yeuns to be better to your neighbors and you’ll have better neighbors.

Special Announcement

LIZARD LICK ST. JOHN THE BAPTIST, FULL GOSPEL,

 INDEPENDENT, PENTECOSTAL,

cHURCH OF CHRIST

 

SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT

 

 

Beloved, this is your preacher, the Rev. T.J. Jackson, with a special announcement concerning tonight’s service. I have had several calls today asking if we would have services due to the inclimate weather that is passing through Lizard Lick. Some of you have said that it is bad all the way down to Hares Crossroads and up to Riley Hill, with Crackers Nub and Shoeheel catching the brunt. Brethren, this is a scheduled meeting tonight and it is a matter of salvation that you all attend. I know you are going to say the weather’s to bad preacher to come out tonight; Well, are you going to tell Jesus that the weather in Hell is to bad on Judgment day? Brothers and sisters we are commanded to not forsake the assembly of the saints. So, the way God sees it ifn you ain’t in the assembly you must not be a saint.

 

We would also like to ask that all women who have crocheted doilies for the Emblems to sit on please contact me so we can find out when they were made. It has come to my attention that some were actually crocheted on a Sunday. Beloved, don’t you women know that all you are allowed to do on Sunday is come to church and cook? And, yet, some of you have taken up with old Beelzebub and commenced to crocheting on Sunday. Have you ever read in scripture about Mary crocheting on Sunday? Do you think the leader of our movement, Archie Campbell’s mom crocheted on Sunday? Even the Normans and the Jehovah Witnessians don’t do such things. I am surprised that right here in our very flock we have to deal with such sin. The Disciples of Christ don’t even do such and they use multiple cups little shivers of bread and sing with an organ. For that reason, tonight at our service we will have a special anointing service for the crocheting tools of each of the women in our flock.

 

I know you are saying you were doing the Lord’s work, that you had good intentions, as you sent some you Hell made goods to those less fortunate victims of hurricane Katrina. Is ay the road to Hell is path with good intentions. Some of you even went so far as to buy threads from Wal-Mart. Beloved if we are to be lights of this world we have to do a better job than this.

 

I expect to see everyone at the service tonight for a special message entitled, “My Wife is Sowing her Way To Hell; Let’s Anoint Her Back To Heaven.” Be here early to get a good seat up front so your wife can be among the first to get her crocheting tools anointed by the hand of God.

 

Until tonight, this is your preacher, the Rev. T.J. Jackson, reminding yeuns to be better to your neighbors and you’ll have better neighbors.

 

Special Prayer Meeting Called

LIZARD LICK ST. JOHN THE BAPTIST, FULL GOSPEL, INDEPENDENT, PENTECOSTAL, cHURCH OF CHRIST

 

Beloved, this is your preacher, the Reverend T.J. Jackson of the Lizard Lick St. John the Baptist, Full Gospel, Independent, Pentecostal, church of Christ, here and I want to share a few thoughts with you. First I want to thank all who came out to the Bible Study tonight. I think we finally put to rest the questions of why women are to remain silent in the assembly of the saints. Brethren, you see it is not me, the Rev. T.J. Jackson, but it is a command from God. God said we are to SPEAK to each other in Psalms and The apostle Paul goes on to say it is forbidden for a woman to speak in the assembly. Now, I think all understand why we don’t allow woman to make sounds in the Lizard Lick, Full Gospel, Independent, Pentecostal, church of Christ. When it comes to making noises in church the church mouse has more privileges than a woman as we have no command concerning the church mouse, only women. I think tonight we finally put this matter to rest and I don’t think we will have to deal again with women talking or singing.

Brothers and sisters a matter of most urgency has come to the attention of your truly. It seems that the Marines of these Newnited States have made a big err in their judgment concerning their “Toys for Tots” program this Christmas. Beloved, some people had donated talking Jesus dolls to give to the kids. And, Gomer and Sgt. Carter have decided that they can’t give these to the tots. They are afeared that some poor Jew or some poor Muslim kid might get one. Pray tell what would happen if poor little Itzak or poor little Barak heard a talking Jesus doll say, “I am the Way the Truth and the Life.” Brethren, the last time I checked Jesus himself was a Jew; I read his genealogy: there is a copy of it in the God breathed King James Bible. The marines are worried more about pandering to Obama BinLaden and Sudden Hussien than they are the welfare of the poor kids of the America. Last I remembered we were one nation under God, not one nation under nation under Pot Belly Buddha or Mohamed Ali. Beloved they are using your hard earned tax money to defend these kids from the tyrants and then leaving their souls to burn. I know you are thinking, “Well preacher, they did a hot job on the shores of Tripoli.” Well I tell you what else is hot: HELL IS HOT! And, that’s where the marines are fixing to send all these kids as well as theirselves. The King James Bible says woe to him that causes one of these younguns to stumble, and brethren that’s exactly what Duke Slater and Gomer and Sgt. Carter are doing. They are stumbling the kids to Hell.

 

For this reason on Friday night we will have a special prayer meeting entitled, “Praying the Marines and the Kids out of Hell.” Friday afternoon we will take the cook stove out of Elder Johnson’s house so we can use it for an assembly.

 

I want to also ask yeuns who do Christmas shopping at Wal-Mart to shop elsewhere. It seems the good people at Wally world are donating part of your hard earned God fearing money to the Homersexual agenda. That’s right brothers. Your hard earned money will go to buy wedding rings for Lance Banks and that Lost Guy of hisn. Brothers if we don’t nip this in the bud we aren’t going to have any kids for the marines to lead to Hell. Wal-Mart may give you a free Elroy John CD but I promise if you don’t shop there I will give you a free CD of a good Christian American: George Jones. We can’t let Walmart sodomize our youth and the marines hellerize them. Beloved we have to take a stand for marriage between a man and a woman. God didn’t make man and man to be together, he made a man to have a weaker partner a woman. Beloved if two men are married they’d fight constantly over who was supposed to be quiet in the assembly. HE made woman a weaker species to have to depend on and obey her husband. That’s what we believe and what we teach here at the Lizard Lick St. John the Baptist, Full Gospel, Independent, Pentecostal, church of Christ. If we let WaL-Mart have their way, what are you going to do when your son comes home all dressed up in his marine ROTC uniform with his friend Barak all ready to go to the prom, or even worse if they decide to jump over the broomstick?

 

Brethren, be there Friday night and lets pray America back to God and pray your sons back to a weak woman.

Until them, this is your preacher, the Rev. T.J. Jackson, saying be better to your neighbors and you’ll have better neighbors.

OUR FAMILIES ARE UNDER ATTACK

LIZARD LICK ST. JOHN THE BAPTIST, FULL GOSPEL, INDEPENDENT, PENTECOSTAL, cHURCH OF CHRIST

Our Families Are Under Attack

 

Brethren, this here is your preacher, the Reverend T.J. Jackson of the Lizard Lick, Full Gospel, Independent, Pentecostal, church of Christ. And, I want to address some serious issues that were brought up to me tonight. Brethren our children are being attacked and led away from the sound teachings of the King James Bible. Our schools have been polluting our kid’s minds with such nonsensical ideas as evilution and big bang theories. And, we have combated each of these false teachings by the scientist with the Bible. But, now the attack has come from a different angle. The DEVIL, old Beelzebub himself is attacking our youth in the pages of literature. That old false prophet himself has dressed up like a man and calls himself Tim Lahaynny and is leading our youth astray. He is writing books and making movies with that actor that had all them pains growing up Kirk Cimarron. Brothers they are teaching our youth false paths to the truth and are going to cause them to be LEFT BEHIND! You remember when we battled that old false prophet before in the form of Harold Potter and all his little witch friends; well brethren it is time to do battle again. We have to take back our youth. Brethren get ready for another witch burning PRAISE GOD!

 

It has also come to my attention that at last Sunday’s meeting some of women were actually singing out loud. You say, well preacher what’s wrong with that? Brothers and sisters everything is wrong with it. Our very own King James Bible says women need to shut up in church. How can any man make a joyful noise when the woman sitting beside him, what is supposed to be quiet, is making noise that is unscriptural? Husbands you need to keep your wives under control.

 

You are letting your children read all types of ungodly books; and your wives are running around and looking out of windows just like a Jezebel. And, now some have even taken to making noise in the assembly. Brethren do you see where this is heading? Today your child is reading ungodly books, tomorrow they are going to want such ungodly things taught in Bible classes. Your wives are starting out now singing aloud in the assembly, tomorrow they are going to want to lead singing. I know your families say, “Well, this is hot!” Well brethren, let me tell you what else is hot: HELL IS HOT. And, that is where it seems a good many of our flock is heading. They ain’t going t be left behind anywhere. They are going to be in the company of all the false teachers: Jerrry Farewell, Pat Rogerson, Jim Baccus, and that newly famous preacher turned sodomite Tod Haggard (who I have heard has all the In The Sink tapes and CD’s).

 

Brethren for that reason we will have a special “TAKE BACK YOUR FAMILY” service on Thursday night. As you know we cannot meet in the assembly as a Thursday meeting is not authorized in scripture, so we will meet at the Baptism creek for this special service. We will warm the air with a book burning so bring all the false doctrines your children are reading: Harold Potter and the Escape From Alkatraz, Tim Laynny’s Left Behind book (please don’t leave them behind for this special service) and those books of your wives, that magazine by her celebrity dykness Rosa O’MacDonald. After the book burning we will have a message from yours truly the Rev. T.J. Jackson on how society is trying to Sodom and Gomorrahize our youth and cause them all to be left behind on the road to Heaven, with a special mini sermon titled “Who Wears the Pants and Sings The Songs In Your House?” Afterwards we will warm the waters with a rebaptizing of all youth and wives.

 

Brethren, I am sadden to tell you that your preacher, the Rev. T.J. Jackson has come under attack also by old Beelzebub in the of someone via the internet saying that I had a plank in my eye. Well, let me be the first to tell you that I do have a plank in my eye. Not one but two and they form a cross. Brothers, if it can’t by said in good old everyday King James English it shouldn’t be said! If it can’t be sang by men it shouldn’t be sang at all.

 

See you all at the Thursday night book burning and re-dipping. Until them, this is your preacher, the Rev. T.J. Jackson of the Lizard Lick St. John the Baptist, Full Gospel, Independent, Pentecostal, church of Christ reminding yeuns to be better to your neighbors and you’ll have better neighbors.

SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT

Lizard Lick St. John the Baptist full Gospel, Independent, Pentecostal, church of Christ

Brethren, this here is your preacher the Rev. T.J. Jackson of the St. John The Baptist, Full Gospel, Independent, Pentecostal, church of Christ and I am sending this special notice out to address a few concerns.

 

First, it has come to my attention that some of our women have been seen on more than one occasion wearing pants. On one occasion one of our very own wore then into the assembly building and changed into a dress for the assembly. I have figured out where the cause of this sin is coming from. Some of our own flock who insist on having a boob tube in their house just to watch the news. When it is time for the midday news they are turning the TV on a few minutes early and seeing that famous dyke Rosa O’Macdonald on the VIEW. Brethren we have to stamp this mortal sin our of our flock. We can’t have our women poly foxing all over town dressed up tike them transvertiles from out in California. I heard the other day the NBC crucified that famous bisexualist Maddoner and I fear some of women are only about two nails short of being crucified also.

 

It has been brought up that we should have a fellowship cover dish supper. Brethren you see what I am talking about here. They are starting to wear pants, then they are stopping their God given jobs of cooking and trying to rely on everyone else to cook for them; all the while knowing covered dishes and women wearing pants are among the first baby steps down the road to perdition. Next thing you know they will want to lead singing and preach the sermon.

 

Brethren we have to kick Satan out and WE take back our homes and our assembly. It’s time to make the women take them pants off and get in the kitchen like God ordained. Sure, you wife thinks she looks hot in pants, but brethren let me tell you what else is hot: HELL IS HOT! For this reason Sunday morning I will preach a special sermon entitled “Wearing Pants Down The Road To Hell.” A special love offering will be taken to help buy dresses for any women who come out of there pants!

 

Until Next time this is the Rev. TJ Jackson of the Lizard Lick St. John The Baptist, Full Gospel, Independent, Pentecostal, church of Christ reminding yeuns to be better to your neighbors and you’ll have better neighbors.

Lizard Lick Bulletin

LIZARD LICK ST. JOHN THE BAPTIST FULL GOSPEL, INDEPENDENT,

PENTECOSTAL, cHURCH OF CHRIST BULLETIN

 

 

Brethren, it’s that time of year again, what the secular folks call the holly day’s season. And, I want to spend a minute talking with you about just that.

 

First on the list is our annual turkey give away to the needy peoples here in our own congregation. This year we will not supply turkeys for the needy in our flock as usual. It seems that unbenounced to any of us one of our members had a yard sale and actually said that the money was for the church and donated that money to buy the turkeys. Brothers and sisters we can’t take that money; it is Satan money. Here at the Lizard Lick St. John the Baptist, full Gospel Independent, Pentecostal, church of Christ we can’t use such ill gotten gain. We threw out all 25 of the turkeys along with all the trimmings and had prayer service for those that were led so far astray as to be servants of Satan with their donations. I hope we can restore them gently.

 

Next thing I want to talk to you all about is Christmas. What is on your child’s Christmas list? What does he or she want Sandy Claws to bring  this year? I have been told that among the hot things on our boys and girls’ list this year is CD’s buy that rock and roll group “In The Sink.” Well, brethren I say we take them out of the sink and flush them. You don’t want your little boys to have a role model such as that infamous Lance Banks. You all know he has just came out of the closet and we don’t want him to take any of our kids in the closet. The only one in that group that we were sure was straight was Jason Timberland and you all know what he tried to strip that poor colored girl, Toyota Jackson’s sister Janice, on national TV. I was udderly disgusted with what I heard happened on the boob tube. That reason alone taught us why having a TV is a mortal sin!

 

For that reason, starting the Sunday after Thanksgiving I will start a new series of sermons called “Sandy Claws Exposed.” Find out the true story of how the Catholic church has sent one of its very own saints, Saint Nickels, to try and lead your God fearing children down that wicked path to hell. If he was such a saint why didn’t he help that little kid that was left home all alone? Instead he let that poor child drift away to NeverLand Ranch and live with rock music’s own Peter Pansy. What does old Saint Pederfile want to bring your little girl this year? Pregenant Barbie? In almost 50 years she hasn’t had a husband she prefers to hang out with her friend Skippy and now she is ready to give birth. The toys that all God fearing kids need like guns for the boys and easy bake ovens for the girls have changed as Sandy tries to Sodom and Gommorahize our youth. But, we won’t stand for it here at the Lizard Lick St. John the Baptist, Full Gospel, Independent, Pentocostal, church of Christ.

 

The service will start precisely at 11 o’clock so be on time this is a series you don’t want to miss so you can keep your child on the straight path.

 

Also after tonight’s service there will be an emergency meeting of the elders and deacons. As you know some people have insisted we put a water fountain here in the Lizard Lick  St. John the Baptist, Full Gospel, Independent, Pentecostal, church of Christ. Brethren, you know how I feel about that subject. As soon as we put in a drinking fountain, we are going to have to put in a toilet, and there is no record of Jesus or the apostles drinking water or letting it out. And, we pride ourselves with doing things the way Jesus and the Apostles did it. That’s why we use the King James Version only as it is the same version Jesus used in preaching the Gospel.

 

Until next time, this here is the Reverend T.J. Jackson reminding you to be better to your neighbors and you’ll have better neighbors.